Hogwarts Sorting - Cities Edition

Its pretty commonplace to find internet quizzes to sort you into your Hogwarts House, and for people of my generation to use it as shorthand for describing someone’s personality. But I have a weird tendency to anthropomorphize literally any and everything, and an off-handed comment to my best friend led down the rabbit hole of “if cities have personalities, then what Hogwarts House would they be sorted into?” And here we are.

First off, sorting is based not just on what you are, as a person, but what you value. This isn’t an original idea on my part, someone else came up with idea and I really wish I knew where to find where I heard it so I could get them credit properly.

I think this makes a great deal more sense that houses based on your dominant personality trait – otherwise why would Hermione and Dumbledore be Gryffindors? Hermione is a bookworm but Hermione thinks Harry is a great wizard because of his courage (vs her booksmarts) and tada - a total Gryffindor.

Keeping that system in mind, here are a few cities and where I would sort them. This reflects only my personal experiences or opinions of a given place and it’s not a definitive “I know all the things about all the cities listed and ergo my sorting is perfect.” Cause that’d be ridiculous.

Boston, Massachusetts – Ravenclaw

I love Boston. It’s one of my three favorite cities in the US. And it is one of the nerdiest cities I’ve been to. It’s not just all the phenomenal universities that bring loads of smart people to the city, although that is a big part of it. But Boston is also an historic city, and a such most of its top sites require context and knowledge to fully appreciate it, thus rewarding an intellectual engagement with the city. Also, there are great bookstores.

Dublin, Ireland – Hufflepuff

If I could move to any city in the world, right now, it would be Dublin. It’s an historic city, like Boston, and known for writers and poets, but it’s also such a warm friendly place. It’s unpretentious. If you want to sing along with the band playing in the pub where you’re enjoying a pint (which doensn’t have to be Guinness fyi), it’s all good. And the city has endurance. Which, while not explicitly considered a Hufflepuff trait, I think is still is in the general family of Hufflepuff traits.

Beijing, China – Slytherin

Of all of the trips I’ve taken internationally, Beijing was by far the most seamless, despite the fact I spoke a grand total of two words of Mandarin (hello and thank you) and almost no one there spoke English. Signage made it easy for travelers and welcome the world, but they didn’t need to bend to the international crowd. The city accommodated but it was clear, especially given how few Western tourists I saw, that Beijing really didn’t needed me, as a tourist to be there. I was half-welcome, half-tolerated. Beijing is a proud city, albeit a mildly unfriendly one, and as such I think it’s best considered Slytherin.

London, England – Gryffindor

Gryffindor cities were hard for me, but upon reflection, I thing London is a solid Gryffindor (and not just because it’s British). London is a brave city that hasn’t wilted under adversity – be it the Blitz in WWII or 21st century terrorist attacks. Furthermore, I see the Gryffindor chivalry and boldness in the city’s simultaneous embrace of both its millennia-long history and the dynamic, diverse 21st century of today and tomorrow. Even if it is only a happy coincidence that England’s heraldic animal is a lion.

Sacred Valley, Peru – Hufflepuff

Ok, this isn’t a city per say, but whatever. I’m not a mountains person, as a general rule, but there was something about the Sacred Valley in the Andes that I found emotionally peaceful, for lack of a better term. Like with Dublin, the sense of endurance pervades – and my inner historian wants to point out that there were Andean civilizations centuries, if not millennia, before the Inca. Being there felt comfortable and – I know this is a me thing – it was much easier to talk to people in my broken Spanish there than almost anywhere else I’ve been in South America. As such I felt more genuinely welcome there than many places I’ve been.  

San Juan, Puerto Rico – Gryffindor

Gryffindor’s animal might be a lion, but I also think of it as a phoenix – rising from the ashes to live again. Which is just a more poetic version of getting back up after you’ve been knocked down. I was in San Juan a few years ago, long before the devastation of Hurricane Maria. But it’s not just still fighting and pulling itself together. When I was there it was vibrant and bold and fun and there is zero doubt in my mind it still is regardless of everything. What’s more Gryffindor than getting up off the mat, despite the odds against you?

Portland, Oregon – Ravenclaw

Ravenclaws are kinda like hipsters. There are nerdy but also weird and whimsical. And I say this as both a Ravenclaw and a hipster. So of course, Portland would be considered Ravenclaw. It’s famous bookstore, Powell’s, takes up an entire block and, if you’re me, can take more than a day to properly explore. Of course hotel rooms would be named after classic rock songs and decorated with images from the lyrics and donut shops would make fun of social media platforms.  I’m sure Luna Lovegood would approve.

Washington DC – Slytherin

I live in DC and despite the crappy weather, I love living here. It is also incredibly Slytherin. America’s capital city is full of ambitious, driven people. From senators, to interns at non-profits, defense contractors to lobbyists, and everything in between, people come here to change the world, and promote what they believe is important. It permeates literally everything (sports bars here usually still have at least one TV screen on CNN). Its both exciting and exhausting.